Finding Myself
by Twinstar1
Summary: Riku is still in Kingdom Hearts and Sora is still waiting for him. What will happen when he gets out? Chapter 3 now up! Rating may change. Yaoi! Please R&R! I'm finally able to update!
1. Chapter 1: All These Tears That I Cried

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, although I wish I did. I also don't own the song I use in this fic.  
  
Summary: This is a fanfic about Sora and Riku and is based upon the song, "Finding Myself" by Smile Empty Soul. I got it on the soundtrack for the movie, "The Punisher." I love that cd. Each chapter will have a random part of the lyrics from the song. Anyway, I don't want to give much anyway. It is in Riku and Sora's POV and they are telling about the events and feelings that they experience. It takes place at the end of the game and they are still the same age (as far as I know). Enjoy!

P.S. This version will not have lemons (cause of their stupid rule) but I will have it on other sites for you to read.  
  
**Finding Myself  
  
Chapter 1: All These Tears That I Cried (epilogue)**  
  
_**Riku's POV**  
_  
Solitude.....alone....un....unwanted. Those are just some of the ways that I've been feeling lately. Ever since the door was shut, I have been isolated from everything I use to know. I never know what is what anymore. I barely even know myself anymore. It is so dark and empty in this place. It may be a door to the light, but it holds nothing but darkness. Well, for me that is. Sure, I'm not totally alone in here. The king is stuck in here too, but I'm sure he'll find a way out for himself sooner or later. I'm also sure, he'll leave me here. Why would he ever take me back, after what I had done? I don't deserve to go back to the real world. I don't even deserve to be in the presence of light. I hold nothing but darkness in my heart, and that is why the heartless listened to me. I could control them, because of the emptyness and loneliness I had inside of me. I used it to my advantage, but what did it bring me? Nothing but pain and suffering. I was hurt physically and emotionally. It hurt me the most to realize what I had done to the people who meant the most to me in the whole world. Especially the one who was the closest to me, Sora. He was my best friend, and he meant more to me than he'll ever know.  
  
After knowing him so long, I watched him change so much. When we first met, he was just a little kid, and so was I. I was a year older than him, but that didn't mean I was any smarter or stronger than he was. I may have been more physically stronger than he was at the time, but he was stronger mentally. He had such a big heart, and was the one person I could always depend on. The thing that attracted me the most, was his big, beautiful, sapphire-blue, eyes. They hypnotized me from the moment my sea-green eyes met his.  
  
I first met him when we were only little kids. We always played together and we became very close. Then one day, another kid appeared. We still have no idea were she came from, but I guess it was a good thing she did. Her name was Kairi. I only say it's ok, because there was some good and bad that came out of it. Good being, that she was the one who inspired me to seek out other worlds. She sparked an interest in me that started to burn like a flame. My curiousity began to run wild and I just had to know what other worlds were out there. The bad part of it all, was that her presence caused Sora to change. He changed in a way that I didn't agree with. Sure, it is his own life, but I began to feel left out. He started spending alot of his time with her, and not me. I became jealous.  
  
I began to distance myself from them. It only angered me to see them so happy around each other. You can call me selfish, but I hated seeing her with him. I wish, now, that I could have changed all that. I wish I didn't act like such a fool. Now, I'm even more alone than I was then. At least I still had him around to talk to sometimes. Now I don't have him at all.  
  
I hate being locked in here. I feel so empty inside. I have realized that I only felt complete when I was near Sora. I try my hardest, to focus on something else besides him. I look around, but it's only in vain. It is so dark in here, I can barely even make out my own hand. I sometimes feel things around me. I have come to the conclusion that it is the remaining heartless that are taunting me. Some were locked up in here, and they know my pain. They live and feed off it. I regret ever opening my heart to darkness. Once I did, it gave all excess to the heartless.  
  
Sometimes, I can make out their forms and they tease me by forming into the dark Sora I had created once before. They would prance around and laugh at me. I would try to destory them, but more would just reform. I gave up on that fight a long time ago now. One thing is, that I'll never give up on finding Sora. I'm sure he never gave up on me.....oh, who am I kidding. He probably forgot all about me and is back on the island with Kairi. I don't deserve to be back with them. I got what I deserved and I don't see that changing any time soon.  
  
As I sat on a dark-coloured boulder, I pondered what will happen to me. I wasn't paying much attention to the king, although I should have been. If I did, I would have noticed that he was trying to get out. Well, I shouldn't say, "trying." I knew he found a way out. I just wasn't all that excited because I felt that I was never going to leave this place, not after what I did. I decided to watch him, since I had nothing else to do. I watched as he lifted his keyblade. It didn't look that exciting, until it began to glow. It caught my attention and I had a feeling I knew what was going to happen next.

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So? How was it so far? I'm not totally sure what's going to happen in this story yet, but I really wanted to make one based on that song. I will write more as more comes to mind. In the meantime, please R&R and tell me what you thought so far. Also, the more reviews I get, the more I write =P If you have any suggestions, I'll be glad to hear them.


	2. Chapter 2: I'm So Used To My Life With Y...

**Chapter 2: I'm So Used To My Life With You Around**  
  
**_Sora's POV  
_**  
Where am I? I ask as I slowly wake up. I soon realize that I'm in my room, and wonder where that question came from. I look around for any clues, but find none. I then think of possible reasons. Then it hits me, my dream. I just had a dream that was really odd. I was walking down this street, in the middle of nowhere. There were tall buildings everywhere, but they all looked alike. They were just different in size. It was sunny and full of people. I couldn't make out their faces though. It was like they didn't have one. I walked around trying to push my way through the crowds. The people were shoving me in all sorts of directions. I was so confused.  
  
I tried looking in the windows of the stores but I couldn't make out anything inside either. I couldn't understand what was happening. It was like I was in another world. One that I felt like no one could see or hear me. One I didn't belong in. Then something caught my eye. There was a flash of silver. I lost it for a moment and strained my eyes to find it again. The crowd just kept getting more and more packed. I could almost lose myself in it. I moved my head from side to side trying to look past everyone. Then, I found it again. This time I made sure not to lose it again. I ran closer to it, and found where it came from. The person who the shoulder-length, silver hair belonged too, turned around. I just couldn't help but stare. Those sea-green eyes captured me from the instant they met.  
  
"Riku..." I said in a daze. He just looked at me with those beautiful eyes and smiled. I could believe that he was there, right there in front of me. I began to get closer to him, but as I did, he would take a step back. I didn't think much of it the first time, but then I tried it again. He kept backing up away from me. What bothered me the most was that he was smiling the whole time, like it was some sort of game.  
  
Then suddenly, someone walked in between us. I tried to dodge around the person, so I wouldn't lose sight of Riku. It was no good though. As soon as the person passed by me, he was gone. I searched around but to no avail. I couldn't find him again.  
  
I gave up on my search for a bit and decided to find out more about the city. It was mysterious to me. The was hardly any detail to it. Everything seemed to repeat itself, and everything was the same colour. It was quite the boring place and I didn't want to stay long. I went around this corner of one o the tallest buildings. I looked up and couldn't believe how high it was. My neck was hurting from looking up so high. Then I noticed something. It was the end of the city. On the other end of the street, was a field. I began to walk towards it and found a single tree, out in the middle of nowhere. As my foot made contact with the grass, a heavy wind began to blow and I had a hard time seeing with my hair in my eyes. I brought my hand up to my face and moved the hair. I then turned around and I nearly had a heartattack with what I saw. The buildings and people where all gone. There was nothing but...well....nothingness. All I could see was more grass. There were no trees, except that single one I found all alone, and that's how I felt at that moment....alone.  
  
I was only about a foot away from the tree when I heard something. It sounded like it was coming from the other side of the tree. I went around it and found what produced the noise. It was Riku. A big grin appeared on my face as I got closer to him. This time he didn't move away from me. He just stood there with that smile on his face again. When I was close enough, I began to speak.  
  
"Riku....why did you leave me earlier?" I got no answer. I asked again, but only got the same thing. Then he moved a bit. He got closer to me and held out his hands. I didn't know what to expect, but I soon found out what his motives where. He got only inches away from me, then he wraps his arms around me. I was shocked. I didn't know what had gotten into him. I did nothing to stop it though. I just smiled and layed me head on his shoulder. He then mumbled something, but I couldn't make it out. He said it again, but I still couldn't understand. Then, all of a sudden, everything disappeared. The tree, the grass, Riku...everything was gone. That's when I woke up.  
  
I looked around my room while I regained my vision. I yawned and then realized what I was doing. I was on my stomach, hugging my pillow. I must have done that in response to the dream. I sat up and looked at the clock. It was only 7:35am on a Saturday morning. I didn't want to stay up, but I had no choice. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. I figured that I would just worry about it later, after I filled myself with food. I knew one thing for sure though, I did miss Riku...alot.

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Well, how is it so far? I know this one was short too, but I wanted both of their first parts to be short, since they are just intros basically. The other chapter will probably be longer. Thanks go out to, _goggle head girl, darkdancer, KazeShinai_ and _Riva van Dyk_ for your reviews. I appreciate it so much. I hope I get more. Thanks =D


	3. Chapter 3: I Believe I Need Be Free

I know it's been a while guys. I'm sorry. I didn't have a computer for the longest time. I was unable to work on any of my stories. I can now though, but not as often as I use to. I work alot now and I don't have much time to work on all of my stories. But I will try whenever possible, and to post my chapters up as soon as I can. Thanks for your patience.

**Chapter 3: I Believe I Need To Be Free**

_**Riku's POV**_

I watched, interested in the events. The keyblade shone even more than before. The whole place was lit up. I looked around and all I saw was emptiness. I wondered how such a place could even exist. It made my heart feel cold and useless. Anyone would be afraid to be in this place. It would make anyone go insane.

The Heartless had all scattered, too afraid of the light. I got up off the boulder and stood there, wide-eyed. Then I suddenly felt my own keyblade materalize in my hands. I never thought it would return to me. I thought I didn't deserve to be it's owner anymore. The keyblade began to vibrate and I soon found my arm beginning to rise in the air. It began to pull me towards the door. I didn't want to move, but I couldn't do a thing. It was too strong. The next thing I knew, I was standing beside the King. He glanced over at me and pointed at my hand. I didn't notice it before, but my keyblade was starting to glow. It wasn't very bright though.

"It's because you don't have any faith in your keyblade or yourself, Riku."

I didn't know what to say. All I could do was to look at the ground, because I knew he was right, but he was also wrong. I did have faith in the keyblade, I just didn't have any faith in me. I figured out that it was the reason why my blade wasn't that bright. I felt ashamed. I thought, 'why couldn't I believe in myself like the King does? Why am I so miserable?' I was pathetic.

The King then said something I will never forget, "I can see the doubt in your heart. Don't ever doubt yourself. The Heartless feed of it. If you really want to go back home, and see your friends again, just believe. Believe in yourself, your keyblade, and everyone around you. We all know you can do whatever you put your mind to. The only question is...do you?"

At that moment, all I could picture was my home. I missed it so much. I missed my warm bed, the smell of breakfast in the morning. I also missed my friends. I loved to play and chase them around the island. I remembered how Tidus and I would always get in an argument over who was the better blitzball player, and how I would always tease Selphie about her hair. The one I remembered the most was the one I cared for the most. It was Sora. Ever since I had become trapped in Kingdom Hearts, I never once stopped thinking about him. I pictured him, running away from me as I chased him on the sand. He would look back at me ever few seconds with that goofy smile of his. It drove me crazy.

I needed out, and I needed out badly. I couldn't take it any more. My need to see Sora and the others grew too strong. My keyblade soon shone with such intensity, I couldn't keep my eyes open. Then suddenly, everything grew brighter. I couldn't tell what was happening. My eyes were still closed when I felt this sudden pull on my arms again. This time it was the King who was pulling me. As me moved about three feet forward (I'm guessing), a strong wind began to blow. It was pushing us even more forward and soon we came crashing down to the floor.

Five minutes had pasted and I finally came to. I must have hit something hard because my head was really sore. I opened my eyes and looked around. I couldn't find the King, but by then, I didn't care. The sight I did see, was even more important to me at the time. I could see trees, grass and well...more grass. I had no clue where I was. I was in an open field and there was no one around. I also noticed that my keyblade wasn't in my hand anymore either. I guess it was because I didn't need it.

I stood up but stumbled a bit. My head was spinning. It felt so wierd, but I managed to straighten myself. I started to walk in the direction I was facing although I had no idea which way it was. After walking about 30 feet, I was finally able to see something off in the distance. I couldn't really tell what it was but it looked like a tree. I ran up to it and I was right. It was a tree. But it was strange. There were no other trees around. As I got closer, I could hear something. It sounded very familar. I just had to find the source. I slowly walked around to the other side of the tree and I couldn't believe my eyes. There it was, the source of the sound and all of my fantasies. It was my dearest friend, Sora. There were so many questions running through my head. The biggest one was, 'How did I get to this place and what the fuck is he doing here?'

I had stepped up closer to him and I could see his smile. I'll never know if he was as happy to see me as I was to see him. All I can say is I couldn't have been happier at that moment. I was only inches away from him when I wrapped my arms around him. I held him so tight I may have accidently hurt him. I just couldn't believe that I was free and right in front of Sora. He had hugged me back and we just stood there, not moving, for what seemed like an eternity.

Once we pulled apart, Sora turned around. I couldn't figure out why. I asked him, but I got no reply. I tried to get in front of him, but he keep turning around. I asked him again, but this time a little louder. It didn't work, again. All of a sudden, I was pushed back. It wasn't hard, but it was enough to knock me to the ground. I brought my hand up to my face and shock my head a bit. I then looked up and found he was gone. I was so clueless at that point. I got to my knees and began to get very upset. I could I have let him get away from me, again. I couldn't take it. I reached out my hand and screamed out his name. I kept screaming louder and louder, but nothing would happen. Then within a split second, I blanked out. It felt as if someone had hit me over the head with something hard.

The next thing I knew, I was laying on my back, on the floor. I wasn't on grass anymore though. I was laying on a very rocky, and sandy ground. I looked around and found a very different scenery. I was sitting just on the outside of a city. I was laying in the middle of a park, but it wasn't a very pleasent looking one. It looked run down and wasn't very clean. I didn't care though. I just wanted to find Sora. I rubbed the back of my head, but there was no bump or anything. It wasn't even really sore. I figured out that it must have been all a dream. Once I found that out, I got really depressed and I slumped over. I got so exciting when I thought I found Sora again, but I didn't.

Something was wrong though, beside the obvious. I was hearing things. It sounded like a voice, in the distance. I started to walk around in the park. I then came up to a wall at the edge. I was still able to hear the voice. It sounded like it was coming from the other side of the wall. I jumped up and was able to hold on to the top. I hung there as I stared in shock. On the other side, there was that field I had seen in the dream. The voice kept getting louder and it started to sound a bit clearier. I could have sworn it was Sora's voice, but I still couldn't tell. I just had to find out. I decided to jump over the wall, and run out in the field, to try and find the mysterious voice.

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Yeah!! I finally finished the chapter. I hope you guys liked it. I know it may seem odd right now, but it'll start coming together later. In the meantime, please R&R and tell me what you thought or if you have any suggestions. 


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